I'm hungry

I hate church.

Let me just throw it out there.

I love the church body. I love my idea of church and how I have church.

However, I hate going to a building.

I'm not a big praise and worship person. I dont like being an audience member in a concert, that is supposed to somehow lead me into the presence of God. I dont understand it.

I'm not a fan of sermons. Ha.. how bad does this sound? Every sermon comes off the same to me. Nothing is meeting what my spiritual being is hungry for.

I feel like, if not all, sermons are geared toward the struggling christian. The christian that knows better, but chooses to be lazy, and chooses to make unwise decisions. I feel like the poor pastor, who has this infinite wisdom from God, is having to hold out on what he/she really has to offer, because the typical christian just isn't understanding this whole faith thing.

Do you know how many sermons I have heard on faith? Hope? Love? They are all the same. And its getting a bit old, and i'm at a point where I just want to move on.

I'm frustrated.

I haven't been to church in a good while. Maybe because the last church I was at burned me and since, i really dont care to go back.

But even before i was burned, i was still yearning for something that i could not find. I'm seeking. The verse, if you seek then you will find, is a reality to me right now. I have never been so spiritually hungry for so long. And everything that I read or hear, isnt satisfying me. I dont know what it is!

Today, I wanted to listen to a sermon. The sermon was 52min long. And me and my ADD didnt last very long. Mana from heaven. That is what the sermon was about. Sure, i have heard this sermon 200 times before in 200 different ways. And, it still struck me the same way. I get it. We need to get fed daily. Tell me once, i get.

Jesus. Tell me where to go from here. I'm starving.

I'm watching WWE Monday Night RAW. 

Currently, Randy Orton and Chris Jerhico have beef with JBL and Shawn Michaels. 

I really like Shawn Michaels. I honestly do. Everyone one else. Christ, Randy, JBL.... are a bunch of creepy lookin' men. Ha. 

JBL, when he fights, all his flab hangs over his speedo. The man needs to tone if he is going to wear a speedo  and leather boots. Every time i watch him, I laugh. 

Randy Orton reminds me of Randel from Monsters INC... Orton is creepy, His arms are to long for his body, and his tattoos ugly. 

Community Respect

Community living. Its crap. I can handle living with 5 girls in one room for a year and not have as many problems as I do living with 4 people who are related to me. Just because its family, doesn’t mean you have the right to take advantage of people’s stuff! 

I have a brother, Jordan, and he doesn’t know the meaning of no. He nags, he whines, he pouts. He gets angry if you touch his stuff or wake him up from a deep sleep. You wouldn’t guess he was 18 by the description I gave him. The boy is a pest when it comes to other peoples things. He thinks, just because we’re blood, he has the right to own anything that belongs to me. He’ll go through my draw, wears my t-shirts to bed, eats my food.

 I pay good money for food that I never get to taste. And why? Because my brother doesn’t know how to respect others living in the house. 

He doesn’t take the word “respect” seriously because we’re family, and family shouldn’t have to respect others things. Thats BS !

 I hate living with my family for this very reason: what is mine is yours and what is yours is mine. I hate it. I did not marry any of my family members. Marriage is becoming one with your spouse. I am not one with my brother! 

The time is here for me to move out on my own. Peace out.