I'm hungry

I hate church.

Let me just throw it out there.

I love the church body. I love my idea of church and how I have church.

However, I hate going to a building.

I'm not a big praise and worship person. I dont like being an audience member in a concert, that is supposed to somehow lead me into the presence of God. I dont understand it.

I'm not a fan of sermons. Ha.. how bad does this sound? Every sermon comes off the same to me. Nothing is meeting what my spiritual being is hungry for.

I feel like, if not all, sermons are geared toward the struggling christian. The christian that knows better, but chooses to be lazy, and chooses to make unwise decisions. I feel like the poor pastor, who has this infinite wisdom from God, is having to hold out on what he/she really has to offer, because the typical christian just isn't understanding this whole faith thing.

Do you know how many sermons I have heard on faith? Hope? Love? They are all the same. And its getting a bit old, and i'm at a point where I just want to move on.

I'm frustrated.

I haven't been to church in a good while. Maybe because the last church I was at burned me and since, i really dont care to go back.

But even before i was burned, i was still yearning for something that i could not find. I'm seeking. The verse, if you seek then you will find, is a reality to me right now. I have never been so spiritually hungry for so long. And everything that I read or hear, isnt satisfying me. I dont know what it is!

Today, I wanted to listen to a sermon. The sermon was 52min long. And me and my ADD didnt last very long. Mana from heaven. That is what the sermon was about. Sure, i have heard this sermon 200 times before in 200 different ways. And, it still struck me the same way. I get it. We need to get fed daily. Tell me once, i get.

Jesus. Tell me where to go from here. I'm starving.